So this entry should be put before the Day 018, due to my lack sense of duty it rotten in the drafts blank and unwritten. My September entry was 0 too, so I'll try my best to remember what happened till November.
After we fetched my cousin at the MIA I've attended quite a few of family gathering for his welcome. Received KitKat as usual.
One instance, there was 1 left from the kitkat box I saved inside the fridge. When I went to find it, I discovered my brother already eaten it few days ago. Weeks after, he put his cookie oreo chocolate inside the fridge "Ah! Revenge." but of course I didnt mean it that way. I just happened to crave the thing so I ate it. When he found out I ate it, I've never seen his displeased poker face. It seems that the chocolate was given by his girlfriend to eat. HAHAHAHAH~ The next month, October, I didnt dare to eat that bar. The guilt!
September to October tolled heavy for my stomach since I cannot deny myself to the blessings of food offerings from friends and cousins. Free food! Free meal! but the impression of being a freeloader to them as well added behind my thinkings. Didnt you say years ago that you dont feel happy when you take "free" things? such as meals? I said to myself. Sitting beside the large window panels across the crowded room never felt shameless as this. Two reasons to why, first - you should not deny food on your plate, second - Im stucked at the house for hours, days, and weeks doing the same rotten things so I might as well take the chance to get out of the house. But of course, I did reject some too specially from men.
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Among those was my ex, he have been persistent about redeeming our good pale relationship for the past years. Unluckily, his persistence landed on my left side and I finally snapped. I contacted with my ex#3 whom I only have good relationship since we broke up. His side was essential, as my ex his vision "as an ex" how to break all the connections without getting him butthurt. I know it was impossible to begin with, but if there's a chance I would grab it. So I asked him, same time Roro happened to be online... I early left the conversation about my ex and focused on Roro. Im lucky to have her.
Im always thankful that you love me for whatever the other people say are my flaws. You've always seen things in details as I have been watching over you. I hope we would get there. I want us to deserve acceptance and happiness.
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