Sickness 001

How I would like to see my life?

How would I spent my life?

How I see life?

How I value life?

If I have to define what should life is, it ain't gonna be religious. I'm one shaky fellow when it comes to believing the power of an invisible entity. If I were to define my life, I'll spent it way irrational than the others. I have no great or bragging experience to simply decide the path that opens. I compare and estimate life according how my parents and eldercare claimed it. I see life divided into four phases. One is childhood. Two is youth. Third is adulthood and last is simply death.
I realized these things when I caught myself asking how I'll probably want myself in the next years. I ask more than I should and it didn't stop which placed me currently here. Childhood are years that should be nurtured with fun and enthusiasm for gaining wisdom. Proper conducts , etc,. I was surrounded by kids at my age and pampered a lot too by grandma. I spent my summer there, running across streets, climbing fallen trees after stormy nights, building sand castles from black sands as weary waves tore them away.  Summer imprinted my childhood like dawn, sun setting painted lonely orange that showered me and my playmates only boisterous laughter and adventures. Childhood begins with adventure.

Small things , now, mattered the most.

Youth is to polish everything else. Im ugly, so I acted lady-like. I stopped running across the busy streets, laughter were passed among the younger and soon dim like-late nights. I begun to stay indoors. Books, homeworks and small entertainment box were left for entertainment. My environment were academically competitive. It was pretty much scientific, one after another. Gaining and polishing knowledge is the new fun. As soon as I reach the top, it begin to swell to me, yearning somewhere an inch higher. Some days left me to differ myself from others. Youth doesnt give you much of the freedom, but I can finally out long enough after the sun down. Jamboree -  music festival and comic duos with magic.  I tasted a bit of unknown and something advanced. I met a sensation, something more personal. Technology sides along with love. It was too toxic, addicting but it made me , too, wiser.

Now, Im on the age of trimming, someone after the two, but being youth doesnt stop there. childhood doesnt stop there. It's being compiled next is somehow forgotten.

As I enter deeply with the chosen college course, I realized it was too late to change a college-school-worth. I sincerely despise the school services. too think it's semi-private in name. I love architecture and the reason behind it matter less now. Architecture has economic limitations but the mind solutions no limit. I want to be in the future where economy limitation finally lies within the mind. If I get to pass architecture, I've like to go abroad , work and study naval architecture . or probably as I left the country I'll leave everything with it. Somewhere far away from knowing the past me. I ain't hate it. I just want a good, new start. There I'll probably say, " Ah! This is adulthood!" or " This is where I work and work and work ". Just kidding. Haha. Adulthood lives in and enters an unending dreams. Others already built a family, entered daily work to live for the next passing days, waiting for their child to grow and ask for retirement. I dont want to pass down "work" to my children though it's inevitable I want them to see work as a happy environment. I'll probably ask for a happy, healthy family business. No to hacienda. Just owning a supply business on the suggested economic basis suffices. I want to run it far from society.

Parents should not ask for an easy life but a happy one for their child.

I want where I am is where my parents at. I always yearn a life with a complete family. My little brother seemed to follow a different path . I want him home too but if he wants to have his own, I'll gladly give him that. Yearly travel isnt much of an option but I want Johnsuke with me. A private vehicle would be good for us. I sincerely have no eye for marraige if he is with me. I cant even imagine a night sharing it to a friend in a single bed. Disgusting. Growing up successfuly with business will grant me to sponsor an elderly organization, scholarship for remote places for their children to study or even offer help for sick/cancer patients. Reflecting on these makes me have to grind harder than my father did. Concluding my statements; Adulthood are for the results and probable achievements while working. Last phase is death. Death needs no excuses to life. If I were to weight my life, I'm probably committing sins more often than others. So often sooner to die than others. Haha. If I ever unexpectedly to die, I've like it peacefully , painless and less expected. Placed under the bed of sunflowers , cremated with Johnsuke. I've like to die with my favorites.