The last conversation I had with you was , telling me " Bakit si Ate Brigette lang nagmamano sayo? Bakit sina Ate Shella , Ate Beng hinde? " whom was asked to you by Nene. You replied her with " Kasi sa malayo sya nakatira, sila dito lang "
I was embarassed by that time, since I only started it out when Lolo got bedridden and eventually the habit of Mano Po seemingly became normal to me.
Weekend passed by and you suddenly got sick.
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Day 1, when mama asked me to go to your house to feed you because you wouldnt eat. I thought it was just a small matter, but the time I went there - you squealed " Inay! Aray Inay ". I thought to myself, " Ah, she wants to die " I couldnt touched you, I became fragile, I know you'll wither away.
Day 2, After they decided to bring you to the hospital, learnt you werent doing good. That morning I prayed to god, if she's willing to give up her life, then I would like him to do it quick.
Day 3, It finally sunk into me, how grave your situation was. I learnt how great it is to have a big family and when it is not, I prayed and taken back all I've said before. I told god , atleast let her live until graduation... Let her attend me got married, and Heart get into highschool.. wish he'll add more years, add more, cause I can do more.. I can atleast make her happy. I do believe in the possiblity of reincarnation and if ever it is, then I cant be her granddaughter anymore. I want that thing to remain. I love her.
Day 4, Mum returned home, she looked very weary , said your lips turned violet and you had to be rushed to provincial hospital.. That afternoon, she said you'll return home by tomorrow. I said to myself " Ah. She's good as dead " with all the silent treatment Im getting from my mum, I was confident.
You returned home, I was asked to go and see you, you looked skinned, thinner than I last saw you. I was scared, but I held your hand, you were burning up. I brushed my fingers instead of letting you hear my voice. I thought " There's no way she'll die, she's still warm "
Day 5, At 2pm, I still have managed to pray, crying and hoping you wont let go. I was pained, whenever I hear the home phone rings. By any time, one will confirmed you dead. I was right. Said you died around 3 pm.
Day xx , Your parish friend approached me, asked how you were doing. I told her you passed away. I wonder what kind of face I was making when I was talking with her. That night , I still cant have the courage to face you, , and to face no weekend mornings to atleast visit you..
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Dear family,
Allow me to hate you when you were with her instead of me.
Allow me to hate you, when you say " Thank you so much with all the things you've done" instead of " I am sorry that I could do much better, treat you much better and listen to you much better " Allow me to hate you, when she brings you food, when she dines with you, when she sleeps with you, and all the things I could felt sorry for, because I wasnt with her. Allow me to pass the hate with all the remaing love I should have had for her.
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