Curious Lights

Christmas day is over! but the spirit lives on.

Attending the night gala before the 25th of Dec this year felt average. The seats were barely occupied, I wonder if its because of the weather? That's one, or probably just the location. I wonder what have happened to the prejudiced teens because they live to standby outside the church , flirting or texting instead of attending the mass. I wonder where are the vendors of the casa/households making puto-bumbong, bibingka, penoy at balot, we would definitely buy and lined-up for when the mass ended. Traditions are gradually changing the small details. Yet, the municipality streets remained the same.

 --

 

Happy 8th Birthday to my beloved bear!

Day 019 : Backstage

In a special place we reunited but this time I wasnt beside you. 

I still sing, I still love the hymn.

You smiled back.

Mine directed to the man I chose.

I then realize, neither of our choices were wrong!

But those who left isn't privileged to execute the song.

 ---

Taken : December 24

After Term

There are songs not written on score sheets.

Nor the truths printed on newspaper scripts.

Nor the President's services, we daily tell their addressed bullshits.

Will someone humbly apologize to him after his term?

[Letter013] : Overseas Filipino Workers

Fishtails should've bigger brains!

So people learnt to fly.

Born from men of the seas left their monopolized land.

You said you'll bring us tomorrow.

You said there is a brighter future!

But our children learnt as they grow, that

Achievements lodges Overseas.

---

I've heard that our Mayor rejected to renew the small bancas' permit to fish. I belong to the third generation of the last man to fish our bay. For the last two years as I visited my granma's house, I always managed to idly visit the bay and burnt the flashes of nostalgia. The place wasnt as festive. The place was dying. Rejecting their permits would even extinguish our ancestry. We were born fishermen. The second generation saw there is fruitless labour and became practical. They left and went overseas. My last concern lies how the government sees us. Does he see out of 10 families, 9 of them have their parent earning money out of the country? His family has been sitting for almost 2 decades (as far as I can remember) and how grave the end-results of your services were.

---

There are things we see but we wouldnt execute. The men of the seas deserve better.

 

Day018 : Super Moon

    Many things happened last night. My brother in his last match this season (basketball), ended up getting a dislocated shoulder.


I loved how my father got his enthusiam like a passionate coach , half-half. He is passionate in basketball, coach? nah. He's good at watching. Anyways, since it was laste.. they (with mum) had to hurry to a nearest boutique and buy a pain killer. I was left with my younger brother at home and had to tend the ice pack once it hits each 20 minutes on his shoulder. 10 pm hitting the clock, unexpectedly, our street have a blackout. Was about to force to go outside.


It was like we have a giant light bulb in the sky. It lightened up the surrounding but its light wasnt about hurting. The night sky was calm to look at. I was hugging Johnsuke, a ready-warm-hugging-blanket. There are many things we take granted for.

The moon grew jealous. He absorbed all the electricity, forcing you to watch him last night.

#FinishedWatching : Nanimono (Somebody)

The storms of life is easier than of your home. You wont be shooting karma blindlessly. No one will care, but enough to carry your feet paving the way to contentment.

I am a fan of Takeru Sato and Suda Masaki, so when I heard they are doing movies together I was quite hyped and immediately expecting big coming from them. While familiar faces were also added to the team of protagonists such as, Fumi Nikaidô as Rika and Masaki Okada as Takayoshi.

The story clicks about people under common goal (to get hired by a company). The stigma of the movie exists in present time, specially to the first millenials. Each characters represent phantoms and commonalty. It has a strong script including its metaphor,simile and irony. I found myself very familiar with everything about the movie.

I chose to change my priorities under reality-demanding circumstances, I lived two-face, I freely chose to be go-lucky, and even too controlling about my philosophies. Everyone of the characters have a part of me and the feeling aftermath was scary and eye-opening.

I think that the minimal issue about this film is invisibility. Portraying the unportrayable.

( Takuto's cause which was the issue about his theatre-friend ) The movie is the exact opposite of "The Kirishima Thing" which the issue lies "when Kirishima left". That something have happened, but we cant show you since this isnt the main focus.

I cannot find the exact words to explain this further.

The execution is sewn beautifully. The reveal is its climax and its ending. Marking its identity. Its poetic by being straightforward with the answers. It is something I would rewatch to get new perspective and opinions about life.  Truly impressive.

We are proud of our own assets but life before you has been sober at reality failures. You were caught by the tide.

 

#FinishedWatching : Bad Genius (Thai)

 Remember, school is a place for studying, not making money.

Day 017: Chasing Deer Lights

So this entry should be put before the Day 018, due to my lack sense of duty it rotten in the drafts blank and unwritten. My September entry was 0 too, so I'll try my best to remember what happened till November.

After we fetched my cousin at the MIA I've attended quite a few of family gathering for his welcome. Received KitKat as usual.

One instance, there was 1 left from the kitkat box I saved inside the fridge. When I went to find it, I discovered my brother already eaten it few days ago. Weeks after, he put his cookie oreo chocolate inside the fridge "Ah! Revenge." but of course I didnt mean it that way. I just happened to crave the thing so I ate it. When he found out I ate it, I've never seen his displeased poker face. It seems that the chocolate was given by his girlfriend to eat. HAHAHAHAH~ The next month, October, I didnt dare to eat that bar. The guilt!

September to October tolled heavy for my stomach since I cannot deny myself to the blessings of food offerings from friends and cousins. Free food! Free meal! but the impression of being a freeloader to them as well added behind my thinkings. Didnt you say years ago that you dont feel happy when you take "free" things? such as meals? I said to myself. Sitting beside the large window panels across the crowded room never felt shameless as this. Two reasons to why, first - you should not deny food on your plate, second - Im stucked at the house for hours, days, and weeks doing the same rotten things so I might as well take the chance to get out of the house. But of course, I did reject some too specially from men.

--

Among those was my ex, he have been persistent about redeeming our good pale relationship for the past years. Unluckily, his persistence landed on my left side and I finally snapped. I contacted with my ex#3 whom I only have good relationship since we broke up. His side was essential, as my ex his vision "as an ex" how to break all the connections without getting him butthurt. I know it was impossible to begin with, but if there's a chance I would grab it. So I asked him, same time Roro happened to be online... I early left the conversation about my ex and focused on Roro. Im lucky to have her. 

Im always thankful that you love me for whatever the other people say are my flaws. You've always seen things in details as I have been watching over you. I hope we would get there. I want us to deserve acceptance and happiness.

[ PoTD ] Summit

Letter 012 : Cooking Foil.

We're nowhere close being diamonds.

Under the starry sky, aren't we all shattered like glasses?

Everyone suddenly turned materialistic, wanted to be most-sought.

But baby, only diamond bends when it is cut by itself.

One judges you, and it makes you desperately unstable.

Aren't you brittle?

You're transparent and easily hammered by these comments.

Yet you shimmer under the darkness like a diamond.

I guess, we could be paper diamonds.

One of these days, magsasalita nlng si papa ng "PETMALU. LODI. WERPA WERPA" like some thug. cause he's been singing this baby shark trulalalalu and IDK where the heck did he get that from????. WORK? GOODNESS ME.

There was the passion of those who wanted to continue their struggle and the sorrow of those who no longer wanted to continue.

I started to enroll for an online course of Architecture..

--

I only have 6 months to complete it. I havent checked the online excersises provided so.. I have no idea if it's really of my capabilities to pass. Of course, I'll do my best to meet it's criteria. The passing grade is of 60 percent . I haven't told my parents. Nor Im doing the online data entry to earn some pocket money. He-he. So that's how my situation is.

The introductory lesson was interesting , to the fact that my first year HOA teacher was able to tackle.

Architecture is when an object disappears but it's subject remains.

--

Tomorrow, I'll go to MIA. Hope we get there safely. If I have pictures to sell on the way and back I'll post it here.

[ Letter 011 : Liham para sa nagmahal ]

May event sa mall dun sa Manila.

dumating ka, nauna ka.

nakita ko sa blackboard may sinulat ka...

Cursive. 

Maganda.

May hawak akong maliit na papel nung araw na iyon at kelangan kong burahin yung mga sinulat mo.

Sana binasa ko,

kaso yung huling linya lang ginawa ko.

Lovelots.

Hindi R, kundi lovelots. Yung pinangalan ko sayo. Binura ko na parang wala lang, pero kumirot sa puso ko ginawa mo. Mga ginawa ko. Galit ako, at galit parin ako sa ginawa mo.Sa mga umattend ng event, sa maliit na espasyo na iyon, sumigaw ako para marinig nila yung mga salita ko. Pero yung mga yun direkta lang sayo, pero kelangan kong isulat sa board yung nasa papel.

Nag umpisa na akong magsulat sa blackboard, unang binura ang Lovelots. Andun mga kaklase ko, Si Zayra, Si Carlito... sa harap ng blackboard may nakaharang na mga silya, yung pang elementarya. Yung mga kahoy na sira ang ilalim para sa paa.Mataas yung board kaya ibinigay sakin ni Zayra yung isa sa mga silya. May itinanong sya, sabi ko nang pabulong yung ex ko anjan,
yung ex ko anjan...
yung ex ko anjan... 
sabay sa mga salitang iyon ang panibagong panulat sa board.

Natapos ko ba? Di ko tanda pero napatigil ako nung nakita kita malapit sa kinatatayuan ko. 
Bakit? Anong meron? 

Sa mga oras na iyon, tumabi ako sa kinauupuan mo. May mga sinabi ba ako?
Di ko tanda.

Masaya ako sa loob loob ko, kahit ganun ka. Martir talaga ako. (lang sayo.) Matagal tagal din kitang di nakausap. Nasabi ko sa third party character, I havent talked to him personally since 2012?2013? True though, we havent talked , see each other since the video calls Ive miss we used to do.I think it was unfair, and overwhelming just to be with you.

So nagpatuloy tayo sa pag-uusap... pero biglang may dumating... tatay mo.
Bakit? Anong meron?

Tumakas ka pala sa inyo para maka attend sa event. At yung mommy mo di daw kayo nagkakasundo. So your father dragged you outside the room, I followed. Babalik ka na ng Iloilo?! Your dad was waiting by the door, why.... dont.... Dont! Hinawakan ko, hinila yung tela ng damit mo. Pinigilan kita. sa isip isip ko sasabihin ko bang mahal kita? Tang ina. Ako aamin? Matagal ka nang talo Brigette! Nanalo ang mga linya kesa sa puso ko. Napatigil ka pero di ka lumingon sakin. Bumulong ako sa tenga mo. 

SALAMAT HA.

Binitawan kita, at umalis kana. 

Di ko alam kung bakit. Sa pagkakataong iyon nakita ko sarili ko sa kwarto mo. Two floors pala bahay nyo , kahoy pa yung kwarto mo. Andun ka. Sa hagdan nagtatago yung tatay mo, humakbang ako papunta sa mga tinititigan nya.
Nakita kita.
Andun sa working table mo, you've just finished your bath judging from the clothes you were wearing. Di rin ako lumapit nang msyado. Minamasdan kita sa ginawa mo. Umiiyak ka, yung isa mong kamay pinapawi mga luhang pumapatak sa mga mata mo. Humihikbing nakakapanakit sa tatlong taong andun. Ako na parang hangin, ikaw na umiiyak at ang tatay mong di malaman ang gagawin.

Sa kabilang kamay, hawak mo ang mga pilas ng papel.
Ano yun? Parang pamilyar. 

Kaya naman pala.

Mga sulat at tulang para sayo iniiyakan mo. Mga liham at diary entries nung tayo pang mga sinulat ko. Tangna ! Wag kang umiyak pero buti nga sayo. Ganun kita minahal dati. Mga nararamdaman ko inilagay ko dun.

Araw araw minahal kita.

Lumapit ako, tinignan ko nang mabuti mga sulat na iniiyakan mo. Sa bawat takbong papuntang isang pahina , umiiyak ka.

Sa likod mo napalingon ka, si tatay mo andun. Lumabas na sa kinatatayuan nya. Sabi nya " Sorry. " Mahal ka lang talaga nila pero di nila alam ganun ka pala nasasaktan. Ako din. Kung alam ko lang, mahal parin pala kita. Mahal parin kita kahit galit ako sayo. Mas mahal pa rin kita. Sana mahal mo rin ako. Sana sinabi mo. Sana hindi ganun. Sana tayo na lang ulit.

Parang tumigil yung oras ko sa mga nasaksihan ko.
Mahal kita.

Sa paggising ko sa realidad, wala ka na. Wala yung mga liham. Wala na yung pag iyak mo. Wala na yung chance. Walang wala ako kumpara sa nararamdaman ko. 

Gusto kong iyakan kita, gusto kong sabihing mahal parin kita. gusto ko pero natatakot ako. Ikaw yung taong tatawanan ako sa pagiging seryoso ko. Ako? Mahal mo rin pa ba ako.

Pano pag hindi na. Anong gagawin ko sa nararamdaman ko.

Lalakbay ang mga salitang dapat sasabihin ko sa hangin... sa pagtanggi mo, mananatili lang sila sa hangin...
Hindi sila mawawala,
Hindi sila makikita bagkus mararamdaman mo lang....
Anjan pero binabalewala lang. 

Ayokong maramdaman yun. Ayoko. Sa araw na ito, babangon ako nang maaga.

Titignan na lang yung mga mangyayare.
Mahal parin pala kita.
Tanga ko talaga at sana ganun ka. mangungusap ka rin ba sa hundred chances....
Ako , pa rin sana.

It seems I'm skipping another semester.

I wanna study.

I should look for online jobs.
Well, I already did.

I have all the time, but I feel empty.
I feel lonely.

I feel lonely.
I should probably read.

and waste more time,
and regret more wasted chances.

Day 018 : Pro Gamer's dreams are shortlived but victory lives forever.

I have a rough idea why parents in fable says
"Go! and make adventures!".

Because eventually these little heroes will turn into adults where Reality isnt short lived, it's unending truth.

  

(PHOTO TAKEN BEFORE THE DEBUT (18TH) BIRTHDAY PARTY last 2017/JULY 16)

(Syd before the party)

Me : so ganito bahay ni Clifford?

Syd : Hindi. Maganda pa bahay nya.

Me : Oooh~

Syd : Kaso patay na guard nila.

Me : (hahahaha) pinatay pala kagad.

(PHOTO TAKEN INSIDE THE MULTIFUNCTION HALL)

So what happened during , next and afterwards ended like magic. It was fun how the MC gloried the moment. He knows how to kick the music too, even the audience who doesnt dance would be able to do so. 

Party is a party.

  

Day 16 : Exit Cues

Ive just woken up from a good dream. Definitely a good one.

Today I was not able to sleep well because I am helping my father with his papers. I barely managed to sleep 4 hours!

In my dream, I went together with a friend to buy something from your family store. The surrounding was green! Even the banner. It has a printed photo of a baby girl wearing matching pink headband on her pink-white polka dress. Your name was not written but I know it was yours.

My friend who I once introduced about our relationship during highschool immediately recognized the owner's stall. Images then popped up of a two storey house. I said , still dreaming, " Ah. He managed to buy a house. "

I dont know what I was feeling that time, I couldnt remember.or Maybe, I wasnt feeling anything at all.

When she said " Di ba si...." before she was able to pronounce your name I covered her mouth using my hand. Someone who manages the store that day will probably assume we're acquitances. I do not want any attention, neither troubles. I was infront of my Ex's store and it feels doesnt right. 

I didnt even know why I went there or why I appeared at that place.

I do not know what we've bought that day but the next thing I knew, while waiting was scrolling though my phone's messages. The succeeding scenes roomed between only you and I. My friend disappeared with no traces, nor exit cues.You looked and snatched my phone from my side. I didn't hesitate to take it back. I'm pretty clean with secrets when it comes to messages. There is nothing to be frantic about when you checked our conversations.

As I have watched you skimming through the assumed emptied convo, you saw the last remaining file there. It was a video, you clicked and decided to watch it.

I was alarmed and immediately grabbed it back. I dont know why I am perplexed neither what is inside this clip.

I assume it's something about my love for you, I remember how I used to send you videos every monthsary , and I am afraid to let you know. You let a small laugh, like the usual. Mysterious and emanating a playboy's smile.

Oh the horror!

I am repeating the feeling of falling in love with you. All I felt was how I secretly loved you all these years. I found myself alone when I managed to get my phone back. Where were you? I didnt bother to search, instead I deleted the video. I was relieved but for a moment. All lingering emotions filled the cup that I begun to type those words.

" Yo! I managed to pass my thesis, and baka ggraduate ako after Summer or September. "

It was the same tactic Ive used to send you a message. To open a familiar topic to talk to you. I know I was lying, I already stopped during my third year and now after two years asking for a break I will continue the promise.

" I managed to fulfill my promise. Salamat, thank you. " and all there was to reveal I typed it sincerely....

You were the only reason to all the why, how and what. You were the sole reason and that was the second lie.

I said in the message, I only loved you all these years when infact I have had relationships after you. I was heartbroken and found myself to wonder if someone could surpass you. All of my relationships ended shortly because I consciously compare them to you. I felt bad , myself and to them so I split up with them. I didnt tell you that, I do not want you to see how unfaithful I was while fulfilling the promise.

" Ikaw ang rason kung bakit ko ginawa to. If you dont mind, please allow me to tell you how I feel. Please allow me to say Mahal Kita. "

I stopped sending continuous message, mahal kita? Bigla akong natauhan, minamahal pa rin kita at ayoko iparating sa iyo yon. Ayoko, magiging talunan ako at alam kong di mo ko babalikan. Ganun ang pagkakakilala ko sayo at nirerespeto ko kung may gusto kang mahalin na iba. Ipauubaya ko na, hindi ako ang dapat na mahal nya. Ako lang magmamahal sayo sa paraang paglaya sa pagmamahal na ito.

" how I feel. Please allow me to say Mahal Kita - and Im taking this chance to say goodbye to you. Goodbye. Im saying goodbye to my feelings that I was able holding on to while I'm fulfilling the dream. so Thank you, it was you who gave me the reason. "

I immediately perceive images of me sitting at a pile of unfinished construction bricks while saying those words to you who were at my left side at that time. I was smiling , I saw myself smiling. It wasnt a first person point of view saw I couldnt see what your face reactions were. I was hoping you were clueless, puzzled and disbelieved with my confession. Other part of myself says, you have to stop me. Stop me from saying goodbye but I was able to finish my words to you .

You returned silence and I couldnt see your reaction. I was staring at us in an outsider's view. I wanted to half-heartedly stop myself who was smiling, but at that time when you said goodbye I felt how light my body was. The weight of my body softens like I didnt have . I was floating like a cloud, and it didnt make me stop her. It was the right thing, all these years I kept kept and kept all those feelings to myself.

Saying it to you was my problem, and whether you accept it or not was yours. If ever , though I was hoping you would, you were still feeling the same as I have did all these years I still wouldnt accept us being together. I am finally free with all those feelings and that moment was the right time to stop. Ive done enough feeding myself I love you, and probably I will still continue loving you but letting go felt so right.

My mind and body continues to feel lighter, and felt wind brushing against my face. I woke up. I woke up after saying goodbye to you. I was surrounded with pillows, a teddybear named after you beside me and two blankets preventing me to felt cold. The silence was slightly noisier than your response . The sound of the water droplets running through the PVC was calming. I stare at the ceiling remembering the details of the dreams. In my dreams Ive gathered my strength and confess. Confess? That was the right thing, but I dont wanna do it. Though I'll be certain maybe not now but the mornings to come , I'll say those words to you.

Ill say goodbye and thank you and not bothering what you will say next, what will you do next with a hint of my hopes sounding not so desperate. Just a small chance you want me back too but I'll continue to love you. That is what I will always do.

I let a small cry. What a great satisfying dream. I still love the bear beside me today. He's warm and ready at all times for a cuddle. I probably needed is a cuddle today.

[Day015] Blank Hour at He Brews Bauan Batangas

Even before knowing what is trending inside the online web, I believe Batanguenos are always updated and of flow with the stream. On their growing years, people around my age probably blessedly experienced having baby socks with laces, pants shredded for fashion, or either shoes having pockets below to transform into roller skates. (but) That was in terms of fashion, Batanguenos are also keen in terms of food trips.


Unplanned/planned out with your barkada , family or just a simple date between the two of you creates a special meaning and

    He Brews is born on these underlying norms. He Brews Cafe has branded itself in Batangas. Places like Alangilan , 35 P.Burgos and 43 P.Burgos are it's existing branch. The interior of the cafe vibes an expressive, youthful, and fun atmosphere. It's meal especializes on iced coffee drinks, sandwiches and pasta added with rice meals good for breakfast and lunch. When I went on June 25th, it was almost time for dinner. I was invited for a small party/gathering together with my cousins.

  Sadly, 1 rice meal (German Sausage) was left on the menu and the others were pasta with snacks. Also I couldnt order their coffee specialties because I just recovered from xerostomia where my mouth runs dry because of salivary glands doesnt produce enough saliva to keep it moisturize. Caffeine intake isnt recommended. I really have taken my time choosing and went for Pesto Pasta with Honey Lemonade drink. Boys and the kids went with the available rice meal while the young lady went for each available pasta. 

He Brews Cafe's service at Bauan Batangas had shown raw of experience. That night, the store was fully occupied by other attending group of friends who went just to eat and talk there. The (3) crew inside the bar counter looked like they were cramped, obviously busy and unattentive to the new costumers. It was understandable. Making the meal for the costumers were hard task and time consuming. It was almost an hour and we havent received our orders. The costumers that arrived almost 25 minutes after us coming into the store were served first. The serving order isnt practically being monitored. Waiting in the blank hour, the drinks were already tabled and we kinda enjoyed to refresh and bond a bit. Selfies and group photos were taken. I noticed the kids had already half finished their drinks when the pasta and rice meal arrived but the carbonara which my cousin ordered hasnt shown itself yet. We decided to eat anyway.

 The one who organized the party approached the staff for a recall, Welp! unlucky for her, it seemed that her order hasnt been cooked. She had waited for proper cooking time and got her order finally.

The meal definitely suffices for all the trouble of how it get there. Eating pesto pasta for the first time , isnt that bad but I couldn't invite myself to eat it again. I have no mere experience of lavish details of what is pasta or not but pesto was dry. I don't have appetites for either cold food or dry food. What the cafe sold me was their drinks. I was able to taste Banana Choconut which the kids have while I savour my Honey Lemonade to the last sip. The presentation of this drink is enjoyable. I thought it was made of foam when it is actually iced. I'll definitely take one out when I have the time. The feedback from the German sausage meal was good too except for the rice. My first impression with the rice serving was sad. I usually bought egg sandwich from street stalls and the instrument where the egg is placed pretty much measures the same height as the He Brews servings. Boys ordered two plates of extra rice to finish the meal. I bet they have their belly satisfied. 

That day was fun, unforgettable and wasn't blank.

---

Dear Lola,

I thank you for the family you created with Lolo. I know you have experienced difficulties on raising them all. I love you. Thank you, I have you. Whereever or whomever you are with now, you do not have to worry. My cousins and I are getting along pretty well. We are loving each other. I think you have successfully fulfilled your role as a parent and as a wife. I hope you are fine and living well with Lola. I miss you. I love you more. These are your treasures. They are shining, well-rounded and loving persons in and outside the family.

blog written on July 1, 2017

sources : [1] [2] [3] [4]

[ Day 00 ] May events to Timeline

The rainy season is here.
I haven't been entering any posts the past weeks even though there are things to write , I decided not to. Back to the weather, I have never hated how cold it is during the night since I was demanding it to change ever since May came. The hot concretes of road and pavements now receive the labour to cool down as noon arises.

I started watching another Korean Drama called Shopaholic King Louis , yesterday while the weeks before that was constantly checking the schedules of Pirates of the Caribbean : Salazar's Revenge on SM Cinema website. I've already taken her approval to watch but I remembered I have to prioritize the wedding of my childhood friend.

The wedding was made simple, few and selected guests arrive. The mood of the party was reflected within the both parties. I might sound mean but it is true. If ever I change my mind and commit myself to marry someone. I'll make sure, I have the necessities with me. I am prepared with that opportunity.

I hope to see my father cry in disbelief , that her loving daughter will live happily to someone who treasures her as much as my parents did. So far , I didn't like this idea, I rather see myself saving money for their hospital fees. Haha.

--

Speaking of June,
      I also attended a Tokyo Ghoul Promotional Event last June 2 using Youtube. Ishida's message was savage and I ended up happy and devastated at the same time. The event was translated to english by a professional, he did quite have a fighting moment which he managed to overcome. The event felt successful, and pleased with the announcement made during that time. I wished for more events like this for the foreign.

On May 25th, I finished watching Tunnel, the korean drama that explains the possibility why there were two Zodiac Killers in the movie of David Fincher. I was amazed with the story sewn for a small community. It was scary at first, may be because the screen visuals were abit dark and later it was entertaining with the cliffhangs. May 24th was alotted for Before I Fall (Movie) which I think is nothing new for the kind of concept the story was written. The decision the movie ended, however was acceptable and gained my respect. May 20th , Beauty and the Beast, which the details revised is carefully tacked for the old audiences to newly perceive. It was a scary town, Gustav fell and nobody given a fuvk? How insensitive , even for the main characters. Funny~

May 12th , Heart's birthday got me little heartbroken with the fact that my grandma is gone. I wished her a happy birthday. It was fun being with her, sharing meals and the like. It was Mother's Day too. On their way to pick me up, they have to go to Aunt's house for the pocket money. I decided to meet them there, we were blessed to have a new teddy bear. Said it was supposedly to be thrown , but was given to my Aunt instead. I named him Aldini. Heart second the opinion after some bribing I did.

[ Day 00 ] Secrets of the First Con

Ive been waiting for June 21 ever since summer vacation begun.
I was saving money for the very least I can ( to buy Shimakaze or Colossal Titan Play set )

 so here's the deal.

The night before , my father and I argued about this toycon thingy,
he said " Kung required yan nang school, payag ako. kaso hndi "

I was devastated , left the dining table .
Hour and half later, my mum talked to me and asked why my dad didnt allow me.

I told her, I already asked them a month before that event.
So I was really sure, I know in myself, I explained it to them well.
And rejecting my offer the night before the event, would be a nuisance.

With she convinced, left the room and asked again for dad's approval.
I slept early for two reasons : First, TOYCON BUKAS, Second, I know he would not CHANGE HIS MIND.

****

Next morning ** ToyCon Day 2

I left our house with all of my savings ALONE ,
although mum promised me last night she'll give me additional thousand travelling to Manila.

 Dropping to the Market**
less 5 minutes from getting off the tricycle ( because I went to my granma's house )
I went to buy a LOAD CARD (then supposedly ride jeepney going to bus terminal.)
and goes to my usual place to wait for a ride.

( setting // facing the road  : DrugStore was behind me, at my right was Petron Station,
left was Photocopy/Xerox stand, and  other road , in front , the LBC BRANCH )

****

Waiting for a jeepney, a man approached me , stopped beside me ( half step away from me )
seconds later, I felt a soft thing touched my wrist.

I looked down , and saw his "THING" . ( to tell you frankly I was not suprised since I have seen many ads of dick head at FAKKU.  )
I acted I didnt see nothing, since its normal for me. But what he did the next thing, begun to startled me.
( He then started FAPPING , street enforcer enters the scene )

The fapper turned his back at the enforcer and me to zip his pants.
As early as the enforcer approached us, the early he then left. ( probably he didnt notice something was wrong )

After the enforcer left, the man begun fapping again , as much as close to me.
I was leaning my back on the glass of the drugstore. The couple at my back,
who were busy waiting for their medicine, ignored me when I was making noise such as " BASTOS MO KUYA ".

So I turned my back at the fapper man, and asked for the pharmacist's assistance .
I signaled and pointing to the man that was bothering me.
I said " Ate, patulong naman please ".
She then smiled as if she turned down my sour painted face while looking straightly to her eyes.

I gave up and looked back again to the man who was fapping.
ALAS ! I was safe. I didnt move minutes after that to check if I was safe to travel ...
I waited for crowd to ride with me to Batangas. Enough to make if the man is still following me.

I looked at my clock, it was 9 : 23 am.
My head was ticking about at an early fapper man.

REALIZATION at my head ***
( Yes, I'm less dramatic with pervery guys... I'm open minded, unlike those who pretending to be VIRGINS.
but atleast, I do control myself from meeting many perverts in my life.. Im still a girl, at kaming babae ay may sariling arte. )

so I arrived at the terminal at 10 : 23 am

--

written : 9/22/14

[ Letter 010 ] May 23rd, 3am

This day was like your yesterday. The streets were busy entertaining it's familiar guests. Late bluish night wishes to end for a person who stayed in a corner room. (and) Fireworks ended, he offered his hands.

---

[ PoTD/Letter009 ] One

Just one touch, you give me false hope.

Just one, I turned so brittle without you knowing why.

I question myself, I wish to face why

all those years that grown by :

Cant he suffer too?

I love you, so why he cant too.

Im still walking the same pavement on those should have been.

Still foggy , the future road cant be seen.

One late night, I asked.

Should I chase you? so you could suffer too?

but my heart already knows.

I love you too,

so much that I wouldnt touch you.

I wont make you feel brittle, to my prayer you'll be strong.

So that these feelings, will still feel right all day long.

Even if I want her place, even though I want that only 1.

I wouldnt do so, because I love you - I'll let you go.

[PoTD] By 6pm

Long quarrels along the street.

Breathe so hard, we couldnt explain.

We were happy, need not to tell.

--

By 6pm in front of our housegate, we held meetings. 

I play pranks seeing ghosts, in terror you always ran back home.

I thank the day. I thank the play. I'll thank you everyday.

Life turned tan, I said goodbye.

--

[ Day 00 ] April Events to Timeline

April remains to timeline

src/code:

10th of April

• Watched Assasin's Creed

  I did manage to get atleast the story but the sub isnt working well, good thing the visuals are speaking through while Im clueless what they were talking about. Haha

12th of April

• Mandatory to help a friend in need

  Was invited to help a friend for her thesis. It was fun meeting old familiar faces. Didnt talk much since the loadwork is to concentrate and finish them.

13th to 15th of April

• Helped her until I finished two boards

  Fun experience. Was able to dine with prior elementary (WBSC) principal, Mrs. Silang on lunch. Her face doesnt aged that much for a teacher retiree. 
  --
  Exchanged few conversations, like asking whom my adviser was in grade six, which I wasnt able to remember. ははははは☆~

16th of April

• Watched Prisoners (2013)

18th of April

• Watched Blood Wars movie series in days and Shigatsu wa Kimi ni Uso Live Action

----

13th of April

• Biggest Relationship killer

• Tokyo Ghoul Live Action Trailer

[ Day 014 ] 2017 Batangas Earthquake - Experience

( image taken after the twin earthquake of April 8th was finished )

Not merely a week since my grandmother's passing, an unwanted event hit our province.

It was the 4th night of April when the earthquake suddenly wake it's sleeping quarters. Opposite to my brother who he was already sleeping, I was just about to. It is something you cannot forget so easily. The ground was shaking for atleast under a minute and my brother rushed to my room , convincingly moved to get out of the house that night. I was pleased to see him apply the duck, cover and hold system, but my growing concern at that time was the house doors still locked. After seeing his face in discomfort, hiding under the kitchen's table, I didnt managed to do the drill and unlocked the doors for our exit.

Our parents who were sleeping as usual at the nipa hut, atleast three meters away from the house, came to aid when I began to call my mum with the alarming incident. Outside, I saw the transmission lines dancing in glee, while my parents are just beginning to make their way to the open grounds.

This had happened under only a minute. 

After some minutes to replenish our frustration, we opened the TV and watched for probable tsunami warning and announcements. I also checked my facebook account and everyone was saying the same experience, including the people who lives 3 hours away from the province. News then came in with our province as the epicenter to date.

One jeep and a boat away to vehicle to the prior epicenter.

Hours had passed, with the seemingly long night drying our energy out, returned to our room still feeling the afterschocks. It continued till morning, caused my brother not to sleep. School activities were cancelled and government officials gathered the damage on other infrastructures.

No major damaged results were enough to keep the citizens untroubled. Most of my relatives, a minute walk for a child to see the waters of the sea, packed their necessities and decided to move onto higher grounds. This lasted until the half week of April.

With no room for us to breathe in unwary, the afterschocks continued still. 4 days later around 3pm, April 8, 2017, two successive earthquake hit us again.

My neighbor was inside her store when the earthquake hit. I was already out in the street. It was as if she was about to cry. -- Second earthquake began when she was at her house's gate but her children were still inside the house. She yelled for them. My mum hold her as I am. #QuakePH

A post shared by Brigette Sapanza (@adjournb3) on Apr 8, 2017 at 1:09am PDT

First earthquake, was Im about to take a bath when it happened. I stumbled entering the room thinking I was just weary, but the noise from our appliances made me gain my senses back. At that time, only me and my mum was at home, my brother went to play basketball and my father who was working at a private construction company. My mum tremble in fear, caught off-guard as she tries to save the television from falling. I could not let her away from my sight so I stayed , waiting for her to finish the job . I was pissed at that time, as she made her time under that matter. My mum and I rushed outside. Few minutes passed, sitting at the chair steps away from the house gate and my mum checking for the damages inside, the second earthquake swarmed everything away. 

When we reached the street, we heard something fell from our house, thinking it was the chandelier. Under that event , I saw every family , mother's hugging their children and staying away from possible falling object. My neighbor whom was inside of her store, as she squealed in plea for her God, rushed to her house gates leaving her adopted children inside the house. I know it wasnt the proper time to laugh , hid my unmannered feelings as she approached us. The children then, whom she said were sleeping , managed to get their way outside too. We saw how everything move , it was crazy! life changing moment! , while the concerns for the tsunami also arises. 

Under an hour, our family was complete and waited for official annoucements. Sometimes, there will be a point in your life that buying a calamity necessity will definitely come in handy. Radio always come in handy, moreover if it is a radio and a flashlight at the same time. Haha~ Anyways.

Taken by the great damage my relatives decided to take refuge on our house that night, two nights to be exact. I wish my lola/granma was able to witness this, but thankfully enough not for her to experience. The streets that day was filled as if you were attending some barangay fiesta. One can immediately feel the camaraderie and of what it takes to be a family. I was happy they were safe, while hearing their stories you can relate on.

People were shaken but unshakeable. People were broken but unbreakable.
and if ever it will happen again, Batanguenos REMAINS stronger.

[ PoTD ] Silence that kills.

[PoTD] Lamenting the Dead

It rained heavily as we walked a distance, as if the heavens cried for those who couldnt. I wonder if you'll be okay, or will you be dancing together with him. I wouldnt be answered cause you are there, and I am here. I want to hug you, I want to be happy with you. I wished we could.

--

Day 013 : Lamenting the Dead

The last conversation I had with you was , telling me " Bakit si Ate Brigette lang nagmamano sayo? Bakit sina Ate Shella , Ate Beng hinde? " whom was asked to you by Nene. You replied her with " Kasi sa malayo sya nakatira, sila dito lang "

I was embarassed by that time, since I only started it out when Lolo got bedridden and eventually the habit of Mano Po seemingly became normal to me.

Weekend passed by and you suddenly got sick.

---

---

Day 1, when mama asked me to go to your house to feed you because you wouldnt eat. I thought it was just a small matter, but the time I went there - you squealed " Inay! Aray Inay ". I thought to myself, " Ah, she wants to die " I couldnt touched you, I became fragile, I know you'll wither away.

Day 2, After they decided to bring you to the hospital, learnt you werent doing good. That morning I prayed to god, if she's willing to give up her life, then I would like him to do it quick.

 Day 3, It finally sunk into me, how grave your situation was. I learnt how great it is to have a big family and when it is not, I prayed and taken back all I've said before. I told god , atleast let her live until graduation... Let her attend me got married, and Heart get into highschool.. wish he'll add more years, add more, cause I can do more.. I can atleast make her happy. I do believe in the possiblity of reincarnation and if ever it is, then I cant be her granddaughter anymore. I want that thing to remain. I love her.

Day 4, Mum returned home, she looked very weary , said your lips turned violet and you had to be rushed to provincial hospital.. That afternoon, she said you'll return home by tomorrow. I said to myself " Ah. She's good as dead " with all the silent treatment Im getting from my mum, I was confident. 

You returned home, I was asked to go and see you, you looked skinned, thinner than I last saw you. I was scared, but I held your hand, you were burning up. I brushed my fingers instead of letting you hear my voice. I thought " There's no way she'll die, she's still warm "

Day 5, At 2pm, I still have managed to pray, crying and hoping you wont let go. I was pained, whenever I hear the home phone rings. By any time, one will confirmed you dead. I was right. Said you died around 3 pm. 

Day xx , Your parish friend approached me, asked how you were doing. I told her you passed away. I wonder what kind of face I was making when I was talking with her. That night , I still cant have the courage to face you, , and to face no weekend mornings to atleast visit you.. 

--

Dear family,

Allow me to hate you when you were with her instead of me. 

Allow me to hate you, when you say " Thank you so much with all the things you've done" instead of " I am sorry that I could do much better, treat you much better and listen to you much better " Allow me to hate you, when she brings you food, when she dines with you, when she sleeps with you, and all the things I could felt sorry for, because I wasnt with her. Allow me to pass the hate with all the remaing love I should have had for her.

#FINISHEDWATCHING 007 : Resident Evil - The Final Chapter

 The franchise was unexpectally good, with the backstory opened for the realm. Well, if I were to judge , it was rather a simple story prolonged with same patterns for the movie (which is it was known for). The main protagonist, Alice, have to retrieve a cure for T-virus inside the Umbrella Corps' hideout which is located at Racoon City under time pressure. The source for the news, however was the Red Queen whom she have been hiding and fighting for years. Original source of information was later revealed at the half of the story. Claire, who somewhats resemble a strong aura like Alice but more feminined , was present in the movie and added a sense of familiarity for the long sequeled movie. 

---     The trial by fire before and after reaching the city stills an avant-garde performances and situations. Executing villians in the movie was rather unpleasant, Wesker , for me, acted like a decoration for me. He didnt do anything, except maintained a directive talking until he is dead. Paul Anderson, liven the role as a high-maintained villian, if that was the goal given between the two then I could say the movie with them is effective, and moving. Additional characters for them to die didnt leave much of an impact. The same setting used impact on lesser value, but the one I am able to appreaciate is the hideout for the remaining refugees. The theme envibes the drama for what makes the main character. Overall, with a hope of the movie's ending to be a sad one, I am happy that the staffs concludes it that way, a bid of farewell remains a happy one. Im happy and contented.

---

Rate : 8/10 ( for the overall sequels )

Rate : 7/10 ( for the movie chapter )

Letter 08 : Dear of the Headlights

I offer these dehydrated tears for your betrayal

While the room corners an exchange, exact.

The small distance, then grew a demand for meaning

these gazes hint of mine.

Dances an honest pattern, he drew -

a sly smile I've always knew

This heart , so became immune

even when he says " I love you " (too)

[ kmjgs15 ] he tapped my shoulder

Caught a familiar tress pass, now he glue

" Bother me! dehydrated tears for you too "

I befriended his enemy.

" I cant trust you no longer " he said

Left unanttended for the silent war

Once, Thrice, he did it eventually

" Dear of the Headlights " that's the killer lady - 

the so called " second chance " will remain

a pale imitation of the first.

--

 Is it because you tainted me , that I believe in this way.

or the resonating conscience of myself unforgiven.

O my Letter Sickness